THE GOOGLY: David Gower remembers the trials and tribulations of Windies tours past

HUW TURBERVILL: One cartoon shows a desperate-looking Gower addressing what looks like Allan Lamb and Ian Botham, drinking and smoking on sofas. “How about just half-an-hour’s practice then?” Gower pleads

England’s latest tour of the West Indies is underway, but you can bet any money it will not be as brutal for them as the legendary 1985/86 expedition.

That was as tough as it came for David Gower, the captain, who had just lost his mother a week before.

Everything that could go wrong seemed to. Mike Gatting began the campaign in fine form but had his nose broken by a Malcolm Marshall bouncer in the first one-day international at Kingston.

Marshall was part of a four-pronged pace attack that also contained fellow legends Michael Holding and Joel Garner, plus debutant Patrick Patterson, who bowled like the wind.

The Tests were lost by emphatic margins – 10 wickets (Jamaica), seven wickets (Trinidad), an innings and 30 runs (Barbados), 10 wickets (Trinidad again), and 240 runs (Antigua).

The regular cricket press pack were joined by news reporters, looking for stories on and off the field.

^{David Gower and Ian Botham in the Caribbean in 1986}

The low point was Barbados, when the phrase ‘optional nets’ became part of cricket folklore.

"The worst time was at Bridgetown – we were hammered. It was not a great performance, over three days, and then the whole thing of voluntary nets came up. I always defend myself on this. English fans and the press were there in huge numbers.

"They obviously said: ‘Wouldn’t it be nice to go to the Caribbean for a week?’ Political correspondents, tennis correspondents: everyone who managed to blag a trip. The court of public opinion was pretty sombre, though. We had a week until the next game.

"We were required to show how contrite we were by working mightily hard for the next game. The slight problem was that the nets at Bridgetown were s***.

"As far as I am aware a starvation diet ain’t going to cure the problem, make the England team better or make the West Indies team any more sympathetic"

"If you are trying to rebuild the confidence of a batting unit that has been blasted away by four of the finest fast bowlers ever to play international cricket, walking into a net that is crumbling and crusting – in which you don’t know if the ball is going to shoot along the deck or towards your nose – is not going to help.

"Even the most ardent practiser, even Mr Gooch in his prime, would understand that to get good practice you need good conditions and a plan. So I thought in all honesty I didn’t see the point of us en masse going down there. Maybe we should have gone and had a run-around to get the press off our back.

"The one that made me both laugh and cry at the same time – and harumphy – was in a paper I wouldn’t normally read. ‘In the midst of this debacle,’ they reported, ‘the England captain was actually seen eating food!’

"Now as far as I am aware a starvation diet ain’t going to cure the problem, make the England team better or make the West Indies team any more sympathetic.

^{Gower shows The Cricketer his mementos from the trip 34 years ago}

"Accuse me of not trying – I will debate that with you. Accuse me of eating and drinking while away from home – I am sorry, but I have to do that to stay alive.”

As you can see, Gower does not shirk from the memories – there are framed photos and illustrations in his home to remind him of it.

One cartoon shows a desperate-looking Gower addressing what looks like Allan Lamb and Ian Botham, drinking and smoking on sofas. “How about just half-an-hour’s practice then?” Gower pleads.

For his full memories of that tour, and those from the 1980/81 trip under Botham’s captaincy, buy the February edition of The Cricketer, out this week.

Gower meanwhile is about to travel around the UK with his On The Front Foot 14-date tour, starting in Chipping Norton on March 14.

"It’s certainly not a dry, ‘then this happened, then that happened…’ I am planning to pick out themes: highlights and lowlights. I am happy to talk about having the c*** beaten out of me/us by the West Indies. We have some production ­film clips, animation, to give it some visual impact.

"One or two favourites might make it in­, like the Tiger Moth. There will be references to things outside cricket, like wildlife. We will talk about this year’s big event, the Ashes, and you will have the chance to ask questions. I am game to take anything offered!"

For tickets to Gower's On The Front Foot tour, click here

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