THE GOOGLY: SCIENCE OF SLEDGING MORE LIKE CHILD’S PLAY FOR THE AUSSIES

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With England about to reacquaint themselves with their old friends Australia on Saturday, they might want to study what Damien Fleming has been saying of late. Or not…

He has lifted the lid on classic Aussie sledging techniques. Some of it was funny, but the overall package was not exactly revelatory.

Fleming was a very fine swing bowler who took 75 Test wickets at 25.89, playing a useful role in Australia’s 1994/95 and 1998/99 Ashes triumphs. He tweets prolifically under the name, ‘the Bowlologist’.

Now 47, he revealed on Australia’s RSN radio that team psychologist at the time Dr Phil Jauncey categorised Australian players as ‘mozzies’, ‘enforcers’, ‘thinkers’ or ‘feelers’ based on their personality traits. This would allow them to understand their team-mates better, we were told, and then each player would be assigned roles in the sledging stratagem.

“It gave you a bit of awareness about yourself but also your team-mates, (so you would have) a bit of empathy if Merv Hughes (a mozzie) was quiet because he’s usually buzzing.

“Darren Gough was a mozzie: he wanted to be your mate, and he was a brilliant player, probably the best player England had in that era. But he always was a bit matey and dominated us and we decided one tour [Ed: I am guessing it was 1998/99] to not talk to him and it put him out of his zone. I was out there batting one time (and he said), ‘Flem, why aren’t you talking to me? Why aren’t they talking to me?’

“Then to Graeme Hick, someone who had an awesome first-class record and was a very good player who didn’t dominate Test cricket, you’d just be questioning his record. ‘Geez he’s got a good first-class record, just hasn’t made the step, has he?’ you’d say in between balls.”

^{Goughie: "The best player England had in that era"}

It is not exactly enlightenment, is it? Sledging is part of an Australian cricketer’s DNA, and for tough characters like Mike Atherton it was no doubt water off a duck’s back. Even for Hick it was hardly Kryptonite around his neck. He did not make a century against Australia, admittedly, but he should have done, Atherton declaring when he was on 98 at Sydney in 1994/95. He also made 80s against them at The Oval and Brisbane and averaged 35.

Fleming’s insights are grist to the mill, though, for people who think two umpires, former players invariably, are not the best policemen when it comes to managing the conduct of 13 cricketers, especially ones as domineering as Shane Warne and Glenn McGrath.

When England finally got their act together in 2005, however, it showed that sledging is only truly effective when your team is more powerful collectively than your opponents. Michael Vaughan’s men fought fire with fire. Simon Jones flung a ball at Matthew Hayden in the one-dayer at Edgbaston ahead of the Tests. England team-mates, especially Paul Collingwood, rushed in to present a united front when Hayden reacted angrily.

Vaughan had a battery of quicks that summer who could inflict physical and psychological blows. Steve Harmison cut Ricky Ponting’s face at Lord’s. Andrew Flintoff asserted a supremacy over Adam Gilchrist throughout the series that no one had thought possible.

^{Merv a 'mozzie'}

Little things bugged the Australians. After Gary Pratt ran out Ricky Ponting on the Saturday in the Trent Bridge Test, Justin Langer faced the media. I asked him: “Do you think that the fact that the series is so close means you (the Australians) are getting more upset by relatively small incidents like this than you would normally if – as usual – you were dominating?” Langer retorted: “That’s the dumbest ****ing question I have ever been asked.” I was reliably informed by colleagues, in their opinion, that it was not. Langer then apologised, verbally and also by phone.

"Team spirit is an illusion glimpsed in the aftermath of victory," said Spurs striker Steve Archibald. That applies to cricket as well as football. Australia’s side was splintered in 2005. Shane Warne thought he should be captain. There was consternation when Ponting put England in at the start of the Edgbaston Test, a few minutes after Glenn McGrath had stepped on the ball. The cracks began to show once it was clear they might not win the series…

The best ways to silence sledging are clearly: a) ignore it, b) shut them up by playing better cricket, or c) coming up with the type of witty retort that Eddo Brandes famously did to McGrath...

Fleming added that sledging was not confined to Aussies v Poms, although the fast bowlers’ union left each other alone in Sheffield Shield games. He said: “From (Michael) Slater, (Matthew) Elliott, (Matthew) Hayden, (Greg) Blewett, (Justin) Langer, all these guys, they would be sledging each other in the game and the quicks would be sitting back saying, ‘What is going on here?’ Then they would play for Australia and whatever two got to open for Australia — they had become best mates. It was full on.”

Or should that be “full of”?