READER BLOG: THE ASHES BACKPACKER

An England fan's account of the Ashes Down Under

Adelaide brought back normality, eventually. As I settled back into hostel life, England settled back into their familiar woes down under. But it could have been so different, couldn't it?

England elected to bowl, encouraged by overhead conditions, on a flat wicket. This was the best chance for England to take 20 wickets wasn’t it? But no. This was Root's 'Nasser Hussain moment'. England's lengths were too short and Australia racked them up. With each ball bowled short by the England bowlers in the first innings, Australia's odds of a series victory also got shorter.

The England attack, all right arm fast-medium bowlers, was as mundane as Adelaide. Sorry, Adelaide, but those Aussies who told me you were less exciting than other cities are right. Although Hindley Street does offer some decent nightlife ($5 pints were a big tick).

Whilst I'm winging backpacker life, using the theory that if you make few plans, then the plans can't fail, I can't help but feel England are almost doing the same. Don Bradman spent the majority of his life in Adelaide - England possess few, if any batsmen who can dominate to even a quarter of his ability. See James Vince's Test batting average.

It is difficult to assess England's batting performance in this Test. In both innings they were totally inadequate, but it's barely their fault. Simply put, Australia are better than England, more often. Australia bowl faster, more accurately and hit more threatening lengths - either very full or genuinely short, rather than the pointless back-of-a-length stuff Woakes and Jimmy often send down.

As someone once said, Australia only edge England in three ways - batting, bowling and fielding.

The Germans and Scandinavians in my hostel I had taught the game of cricket too probably had more idea than England at one stage. They were entirely bemused, by the way, about how a game could take five days. Lord knows what they would have thought about timeless Tests.

Nevertheless, the way England and Jimmy roared back into the contest on the evening of day three was brilliant. The cricket was enthralling and the Barmy Army finally got involved properly. This was my first true Barmy Army experience and one of the best sporting atmospheres I have witnessed.

Smith conceding Australia's two reviews late on day four followed by The Barmy Army's mocking of the review signal was spectating theatre at its best. On days three and four especially, with England back in the contest, the party continued late into the night - the Barmy Army took over Adelaide's casino and various venues. The area beneath the scoreboard was rocking thanks to England showing some resolve and giving themselves a sniff of a chance.

A reason why the The Barmy Army are the best fans in the world 😂

Steve Smith has used up all of his reviews and they love it...so does Joe Root 😂#Ashes

📺 BT Sport 1 HD pic.twitter.com/2BBydfXJfM

— The Ashes on BT Sport (@btsportcricket) December 5, 2017

Perhaps alcohol-induced, the backpackers and the Barmy Army alike began to like Adelaide and England's performance.

That all changed in the City of Churches when England committed the same sins as the first innings. Indeed, the Gods toyed with England because, inevitably, the heavens opened on Thursday, the day after the Test - not even rain could save England when needed. Day five brought us all back down to earth and England must make changes to win at Perth - or else the series is gone (if it isn't already).

England must gamble at Perth. I have already - having somewhat stupidly (or brilliantly) just bought tickets for days one and two, and a flight as well. As a backpacker I thought I might be able to drive one way and fly the other. The drive from Perth back to Melbourne will be over 2,300 miles, much of which is barren land that you do not want to be left stranded in.

Cue my Inbetweeners style cock-up...

Regardless, like me, England must make a snap decision and bring in pace or some other change. A shakeup to make things interesting. Please, England selectors. 

As for me, I fly to Perth tomorrow and am looking forward to seeing Western Australia and a return of summer. It's only been 20 degrees in Adelaide...

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