BEFORE THE 'FUN' STOPS, STOP - Part IV: Facing fears

Former Northamptonshire cricketer PATRICK FOSTER is a recovering gambling addict who has written about his struggle. The Cricketer is republishing his memoirs of dealing with the addiction...

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Patrick Foster was born and raised in Kenya and educated in Northamptonshire before fulfilling his ultimate dream of becoming a professional cricketer at Northants and subsequently captaining Durham University MCCU.

When his cricketing journey finished, he entered the world of finance and insurance in London briefly before following his family into teaching. He has spent the last seven years in education, running the cricket at two leading independent schools.

Unfortunately, the vacuum created with not having the intensity of sport in his life - among a number of other factors - left him suffering from a serious gambling addiction. He has now been through treatment and is passionate about his recovery. "I now have my life back on track," he says.

The Cricketer is republishing Patrick's memoirs of dealing with his addiction, in the hope that it may help raise awareness of the issue and destigmatise the conversation around it.

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Meaning of life

“Why didn’t you?” is the question I am faced with now. It’s a good question and for me the answer is simple and has two explanations. The first is simple, if there was an easy method like taking a pill... job done, I wouldn’t be writing this now.

The second is deeper and more complicated but satisfyingly profound. That reason is my relationship and experience of death and the adversity I have faced and how I have conquered it. Three years ago, I was involved in a serious car accident in Cape Town where I witnessed a man, whom I had met only 30 minutes previously when he collected me from outside one of Camp Bay’s most famous bars and willingly offered to take me home, die.

He was cut out of the front seat of the car; the windscreen, like my face, covered in blood and his life over. He could never say goodbye to his family or tell his wife that he loved her, in the blink of an eye his life was taken from him and gone. Did he deserve this? No one does. I had survived, a higher power had intervened and I should have been dead but I wasn’t.

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Patrick Foster was written about his battle with gambling addiction

I was able to live to fight another day and I was given another chance, like I am being given now. Eight months earlier, I had encountered death again under different circumstances but in a way that only serves to emphasise how precious it was and yet I was about to simply chuck it away.

I lost someone who meant so much to me, more than I ever appreciated until now. My boss, my mentor, my role model and most importantly my friend. When Simon died of cancer the day after I had been by his side and with his incredible family, I saw what this awful but inevitable fate does to those around you.

The immense sadness and grief that we all felt and the suffering that his children and wife had to endure was unbearable and the world was missing someone very special.

How could I possibly be selfish enough to put those around me through this voluntarily? Not just that but all I could think about was the words that this great man used to say on a daily basis: “Everything will be alright”.

It was at this point in my life that as hard as it was I had to dig deep and believe him and I have and I am very slowly starting to believe that infamous phrase. I miss you Doggy, you taught me so much but this is the hardest but most important lesson.

PART I: How it all began

PART II: I had lost my mind

Part III: My behaviour was disgusting

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Facing your fears

I never could have possibly imagined how hard it would be to tell my family and my girlfriend. The thought of what I could lose and what that might do to me and the unimaginable shame that was enveloping every sinew of my tired body.

The ‘stigma’ of gambling and the disappointment and disapproval associated with this habit that I now had to live with was what terrified me most and I could not think of it in any other way.

It makes me feel physically sick thinking about the moment my mum walked through the door to greet me and a wave of emotions struck me like a right hook from Anthony Joshua or a thundering tackle from Courtney Lawes, and all I could muster was tears. No words... just a multitude of tears.

The tears were those of relief; my life of deceit and lies, of denial and mystery was over and my addiction and illness had been exposed and I could finally have the help and support I so desperately needed and yearned for.

Do I miss gambling? Stupid question. Of course I do, it is has been my life for the last number of years and it’s impossible to think that I will never put another bet on because it was something that gave me unrivalled pleasure and enjoyment. It is hard to imagine not sticking another acca on or having a few quid on a first goal scorer or ignoring Royal Ascot but that is the reality and what I have to do because I now think of not just the good times but the indescribable pain.

The first bet is the most dangerous and I have to remind myself of that every day of my life and will until I die.

In the UK, Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org. In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is 13 11 14. Other international suicide helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org

More information and advice around gambling problems can be found on the BeGambleAware website

Patrick wants to acknowledge the amazing work that the PCA (Professional Cricketer's Association) and the PCA Benevolent Trust do to support players both past and present

Patrick Foster runs talks about his experience with gambling addiction - find out more about Raising Awareness of Gambling in Education by clicking here

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