Who else but Simon Harmer?

SAM DALLING AT CHELMSFORD: Today was set up perfectly for him. Not that he needs an invitation. This man doesn’t come to the party; he is the party. The afterparty too, and the hair of the dog. Words don’t do him justice

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We all remember Pete Smith, right? The Essex leg-spinner from the 1930s and 1940s took almost 1,700 first-class wickets. He also holds the highest-ever score batting at No.11.

That he won just four England caps remains one of life’s great mysteries. He was also the proud holder of the best match figures for Essex against Surrey: 13 for 113 at the Oval back in 1950.

Not anymore. Not now that Simon Harmer has eclipsed him, ending Essex’s win over Surrey with match figures of 65.4-26-131-14. Eight of them today to add to six in the first innings. Sorcery.

Today was set up perfectly for him. Not that he needs an invitation. This man doesn’t come to the party; he is the party. The afterparty too, and the hair of the dog. Words don’t do him justice. How could they?

Neither do stats, but try these on for size anyway; 46 first-class outings for his adopted county, closing on 240 wickets at less than 20 apiece, 19 five-wicket hauls and 10 in match on five occasions.

It’s not even if the first time he’s picked up 14 for Essex. He did it in back-to-back games here back in 2017. He got them more cheaply once before too.

Not content with just being a bowler, he also has two first-class hundreds and 22 half-centuries to his name.

Is there a limit on what this man can do? Seemingly not. For much of the day, the 31-year-old was on for the first full house in English first-class cricket since Ottis Gibson pulled off the feat for Durham against Hampshire back in 2007.

Such was his magnificence, it seemed the only thing that could possible deny him might be himself. And that proved to be the case when a phenomenal one-handed grab diving to his left at second slip halted his own charge. Jamie Smith was the seventh man to fall.

The only other blemish on a day when Harmer operated unchanged from the River End; failing to spot Feroze Khushi sneaking the wrong side of the square-leg official while boundary riding. A field placement based no ball. Criminal, although the annals of time will be forgiving.

Harmer is into his fourth season in Essex. It was a gamble to give up on his South Africa career to head to the UK for a six-month deal. But even Westminster would struggle to spin the move as anything other than a roaring success.

His 74 victims in 2017 helped the club break a 25-year barren spell in the County Championship.

Doesn’t get any better? Wrong. He added 83 wickets in 2019 as the Chelmsford outfit made it two titles in three years.

A man made for red-ball cricket then. Wrong again; 17 victims in the Blast as Essex did the domestic double – their maiden T20 crown and naturally Harmer picked up the man of the match gong in the final.

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Harmer has now taken 14-wicket match hauls on three occasions for Essex

There was a rumour flying around last year that he was vying for an England call-up. The source? The man himself.

Whether tongue in cheek, a come get me plea to the ECB or something in-between, one thing’s for sure; he’d do a job. 20 wickets at less than 30 for the Proteas ain’t half bad.

Mind you with the constantly changing regulations there’s more chance Cleopatra’s tomb being discovered than working out what he needs to do to qualify.

Ask someone to name a better off-spinner in the world and you’ll have found yourself a liar though.

Somewhere in a parallel universe the locals flocked to see their man in action this afternoon as news of his exploits filtered through.

And they’d have stood in adulation as he departed the field at the close of play. Criminally that opportunity was denied to them.

Here at Chelmsford, Harmer had to be content with a 2D cutout of former gloveman James Foster – positioned in the stands at Sir Alistair’s request, the cheers of Ronnie Irani watching on from an apartment overlooking the pitch and the applause of the smattering of assembled staff and media fortunate enough witness a genius in action.

He won’t mind. All in a day’s work. Essex march on. This one’s for you Meggs. If he was grinning yesterday, he’d have enjoyed a glass or two tonight.

Surrey’s Bob Willis Trophy campaign lies in tatters. Back-to-back defeats mean that with three rounds still to go, they are virtually playing for pride. Hardly the dream start Vikram Solanki would have hoped for.

A bright spot was yet again Smith, only Harmer’s bucket hands denying the youngster a fifth first-class fifty in just his 11th outing.

A tip of the cap to their attack who toiled away in the heat as well. They need bodies back, and they need them quickly. Pride is all they have to play for now. Focus will shift to the Blast.

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