Complicated Justin Langer dominates Amazon Prime's The Test

HUW TURBERVILL: Tim Paine's Headingley pain and the return of Steve Smith and David Warner dominate an engaging eight-part series

• Warner withdraws from The Hundred
• Gillespie self-isolating after returning to Australia

Justin Langer has always fascinated me. Amazon Prime’s series, The Test, is about the Australia cricket team’s attempts to rehabilitate their fortunes, and brand, after the ‘Sandpapergate’ scandal; but it is dominated by the complicated, multi-faceted head coach who picks up the pieces. He owns Australia’s rehabilitation.

In this compelling eight-part series, taking in clashes with Virat Kohli’s India home and away, the World Cup and the Ashes from last summer and much more, the tough little Western Australian dominates every scene he is in. He’s like Bodhi from Point Break, played by Patrick Swayze: the charismatic leader of the gang who comes out with a lot of new-age guff in between bank robberies. Sometimes he is slightly ludicrous, but he’s an effective leader and always watchable.  

It is tempting to poke fun at the slogans and processes that Langer uses. The most famous – and most ridiculed – one is the five elites – honesty, learning, mateship(!!), humility and professionalism”. But let’s not forget: “Me, not we!”; “This is a PVO – a positive vibe only club”; and “You can’t sugarcoat sh*t” (I especially like that one, a variation on “you cannot polish a turd”.) He also repeatedly says “there’s no room for abuse, but there’s banter!”

Sending a Whatsapp message at the start of his reign, he asks: “Are you in?”; 20 replies sail in: “I’m in!” The management team ask players’ fathers to write letters to them saying how proud they are, and so on. 

It’s all a bit Brendan Rodgers/David Brent, with a bit of Roy Keane-with-a-slight-smile intensity chucked in.

But why take the mickey? The results are tangible. When Steve Smith, David Warner and Cameron Bancroft were banned for a year for ball-tampering in the Cape Town Test of 2018, the team were a national disgrace, according to their own prime minister. Langer says Steve Waugh called the team arrogant and selfish (funnily enough the very things Waugh himself was accused of by Shane Warne). The narrator calls it “the biggest crisis since Trevor Chappell’s underarm ball against New Zealand”. So a huge task faced Langer. It would be tricky to argue he has not done a pretty good job.

Tim Paine praises Cricket Australia for taking action and urges public to put cricket into perspective

I will never forget my encounter with him in 2005. It was at the press conference on the Saturday of the Trent Bridge Test, after substitute fielder Gary Pratt’s run-out of Ricky Ponting. The use of sub fielders had been bugging the tourists all series, and Duncan Fletcher didn’t help by standing on the balcony grinning at Ponting as he came off (although on this occasion Pratt was on as a genuine replacement – Simon Jones was crocked).

I asked: “Justin, do you think it’s because this series is so close after so many that Australia have dominated that your team are getting overly upset about small incidents like this?” “Mate,” came the reply, “that’s the dumbest f***ing question I’ve ever been asked.” One had to laugh. A senior colleague reassured me it was actually a good question, and when I got in the corridor afterwards, Langer apologised. Then when I returned to my desk at the other side of the ground, he rang me and apologised again. Legend!

He was a tremendous servant for Somerset and Middlesex, and everyone says he is a good egg – but with a temper. Watching this I was fascinated to see how successful he was at keeping that in check – and he reveals he swims in the sea and meditates to stay calm. He also has a Buddha outside his house.

“At times I wear my heart on my sleeve,” he says. The F word is sprayed around like confetti when he is riled: there are four uses of it in 30 seconds during the one-day internationals in England in 2018.

At one stage, Usman Khawaja tells him the team are scared of him. In fact, as a friend of mine observes, the whole squad, except for Khawaja, comes across at times as credulous glass-eyed cult members. Yet, I still admire the job he’s done, and loved watching him coach in the nets, skipping and dancing about, “feet dancing like a boxer!”

^{Tim Paine's Headingley meltdown is among the main tales}

He is an oxymoron. He is a hard man no doubt, a black belt in karate no less – but he also tells his team that A Star is Born is now “his most beautiful movie”.

His Test captain, Tim Paine, is an interesting character too. He’s quite stubborn, a bit chippy. For the five-match ODI series he is asked: “Is there any disappointment at the suspended players because they are not here because of things of their own doing?” “No,” he snaps back, shaking his head, as if it’s ‘the dumbest f***ing question ever” (it was not – it was actually a good question). In the 2018/19 home Tests with India he tries not to get sucked into a war of words with Kohli, but fails, and calls him a "big head". He is another who should, on the whole, feel proud about what he has done to help Australian cricket: he is a captain who has retained the Ashes in England, which is no mean feat.

There’s some real cheese in the series – listening to Smith talk about ‘mateship’, playing his guitar and sarcastically singing Jerusalem in an English accent – although his journey from being booed to cheered by English fans is rather touching; Warner revealing that he has a nursery rhyme in his head when he bats; and seeing how nervous Lyon is for every game is fascinating. We also meet the players’ parents. I personally found it endearing. Other viewers might not.

The commissioning of this series from Cricket Australia may be a bit brazen, from the school of ‘f*** it, what have we got to lose?’ But the director, Adrian Brown, is an independent film-maker, and he achieves a pleasing fusion of pictures and sounds.

I loved watching it over two days. It filled the hole in my life that the cancellation of live sport had left. A colleague said he was reluctant to view it because he feared it would be a cynical PR exercise. He doesn’t want to be made to like the Australians. I hear that. But cricket fans have to watch it if they can. Where/how else will you get such insight and access?

Episode guide

Episode 1 – A New Beginning 

We see the tearful exit of Darren Lehman (sic) captioned incorrectly, one of few technical faults I spotted. Ahead of the one-day series in England, Langer preaches the need for them to be a “real tight-knit group. The press can be ruthless. The crowds can be ruthless". Those in glasshouses, and all that! He preaches the need for banter, not abuse, describing the former when he plays cards with his children.

“We can still be fierce, but that’s what Australians do – we can still be good blokes...” One man’s meat is another’s poison: who is the arbitrator of all this? Where is the line that Warner famously drew? David Saker is critical of the bowling, Brad Haddin the fielding, guest mentor Adam Gilchrist dispenses some sage advice, but we barely hear from batting coach Graeme Hick in all eight episodes. I wonder why. Does he ask not to be filmed? It looks a curious appointment: the man who was verbally abused by Langer’s Australians – well especially Merv Hughes – in the 1990s. Perhaps he is a crucial member of the unit – but we don’t get to see this.

^{The series includes Steve Smith and David Warner's reintegration}

Episode 2 and 3 – Trust in the Plan and A Test of Character 

Khawaja questions why batsmen have to leave the net when they are out. “Don’t f***ing get out then!” replies Langer. Later he says he respects Khawaja for not being a ‘yes man’. When Lyon tells everyone to stay humble, I cannot help thinking of how he dropped the ball on AB de Villiers at Durban in 2018. Kohli calls Paine a part-time captain. Paine goes the other way, calling him the greatest ever. He then says: “Murali, I know he’s your captain, but you can’t seriously think he’s a good bloke.” I’m not a fan of such prattle, but each to their own. Umpire Chris Gaffaney tells them to “play the game, you guys are the captains!”

Episode 4 – White Noise

Shows the Boxing Day Test against India at the MCG, and a worrying number of empty seats. Australia lose, and Khawaja tells Langer “the boys are intimidated by you Alf”. Later Langer calls him the spokesperson for the team, and “respects him for that”. It reminds me of Gary Neville, when he is was the ‘shop steward’ at Manchester United. Langer complains about the media scrutiny. “You get out of your car and there’s a camera in your face.” Which is a bit rich, considering they have agreed to participate in this series. He stares at one of the Aussie journos when quizzed about Glenn Maxwell’s non-selection – reminding me of Trent Bridge 2005. The headline in the paper is ‘Langer Management’. His wife cries at the impact the job is having – a clue that he may not be in the role all that long perhaps. He likes Jhye Richardson being a PlayStation addict. “He loves PlayStation games. I love it! Cricket’s a game!” Sweet.

Part 5 – Unpredictable 

This centres on Aaron Finch (who, I decided watching him at the World Cup, really is a smashing bloke) and his struggles with the bat now he’s replaced Paine as ODI skipper. Langer invites him to his private domain, his bedroom, normally a no-go area for his players. It works – Finch smacks 93 in the third ODI at Ranchi. There’s stuff about Adam Zampa’s love of coffee and his bromance with Marcus Stoinis. The Aussies win the series 3-2. “I said in four years’ time if we beat India in India I know I’ve done my job,” says Langer, “and we’ve done it in one.”

Part 6 - Fearless 

The bad boys are back! Smith and Davey that is. Langer reminds them Cape Town was a “dark time”. “Mateship is when you cross the line and you play for each other,” Smith tells us. Warner struggles at the start of the summer. “You have this expectation of high scores when you go to England…” Cheeky so and so (had he forgotten about Stuart Broad?). He wonders if he has a fear of getting out… Mentor Ricky Ponting hears enough: “If you’re scared about getting out, f*** that!” Warner then recaptures his mojo, at least until the Ashes. “I always have a nursery rhyme in my head. It takes me to a happy place.”

Jason Behrendorff has his moment in the sun at Lord’s against England. Hick speaks for the only time, saying “Root is the one they need”. Pat Cummins – who comes across brilliantly throughout – breaks Shaun Marsh’s arm in the nets. It questions the wisdom of bowling at team-mates – surely injuries like that are ruinous for team spirit? When Khawaja hurts his hamstring the tide is turning. We discover Matthew Wade has left his four-day-old baby to play in the Ashes. No wonder he was so grumpy.

^{Justin Langer was impressed with Australia's Ashes and World Cup campaigns}

Episode 7 – Under Siege

The Ashes. Paine tells reporters he could name 15 more intimidating grounds than Edgbaston. He shakes his head as if it’s another dumb question. His accompanying press officer Brian Murgatroyd, an Englishmen, queries the approach. “You don’t play against the ground,” says Paine. Bancroft says 50,000 were booing him, overestimating the Birmingham ground’s capacity somewhat. The crowd is intimating though – “We saw you cry on the telly!” they sing.

There’s more sandpaper than in a B&Q. The team try to laugh at the behaviour of fans as the team coach departs – “Grown men! They’re such children!” Jofra Archer’s spell at Smith looks no less terrifying now. It’s a reminder if we needed it that we really must use his precious skills sparingly. Root’s ‘catch’ of Marnus Labuschagne still looks not out – but Paine defends his counterpart.

Episode 8 - A New Legacy

England are all out for 67 at Headingley. Jonathan Agnew says TMS discussed if Test cricket was dead in this country. Then Stokes plays that innings. Somebody in the Aussie camp says he is “closer and closer to doing something stupid”. They wish. Paine messes up with nine wickets down. He fails to bring the field up with 71 needed and Stokes steals a single. Langer is livid. There’s Paine’s abysmal referral for a Cummins lbw – I’m loath to call it – shout. Lyon misses the run-out and Langer kicks a bin over.

Stokes’ strokes are still astounding. The team are made to watch the entire 10th-wicket stand the next day at the Marriott Hotel in Leeds. It is humiliating. A Langer masterstroke? You decide. Paine is defensive. He says he didn’t bring the field up as Stokes wanted to sweep. “We didn’t sh*t ourselves. We tried our best. The bloke had a day out.” Sometimes it’s best to hold your hands up, though.

The Aussies cheer up at Old Trafford. Jack Leach dismisses Smith only for it to be called a no-ball, “a magic moment” says Langer. Paine redeems himself, bringing Labuschagne on to bowl and he dismisses Leach. The Oval loss is glossed over, one could argue, but Langer concludes: “If somebody had said we’d reach the semi-finals of the World Cup, and retained the Ashes, I’d have taken that.” One caveat, though: Australia have still not won in England for 18 years. With Langer a member of that 2005 side, that will eat at him. To be continued?

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